From Hackney to Fulham

As I have mentioned before, I have two servants to look after me. One I can twist round my little paw and the other is quite strict with me (considering he's my servant). But he's not all bad though - he does have a rather comfy lap.

I haven't always had these two as servants. I used to live in another part of London - Hackney - with a manservant and my son, Pancake. One day, we all moved to Fulham and then a nasty lady came to live with us.

Actually, I'd been thinking of doing a bunk for a while because Pancake bullied me the whole time and life was getting to be a bit of a bind with him around. So, when they moved to another flat in the complex, I decided to stay put and make my home in the communal hallway.

There were five other flats in the block and I was sure there would be someone I would like enough to go and live with. The four Kiwis, for example. They invited me in and fed me on a regular basis and I was sure I could be happy with them. So, every time my manservant came to collect me and take me back to their new flat, I'd run back to my old block.

The only downside was the fact the Kiwis played loud music. You see, music grates on my sensitive cat ears. Next door to the Kiwis was a couple who didn't play loud music, didn't have any pets and, importantly, one of them worked from home so I'd have a companion during the day. The only problem was, they wouldn't let me in.

Every day I waited by their door and tried to streak into their home as soon as they put their key in the lock. The more they prevented me from entering, the more convinced I was there must be something good in there that they were trying to stop me from getting at.

Anyhow, persistence paid off. After a few months of living in the hall, and running back every time my previous servant tried to collect me, I was finally allowed into the 'Forbidden Flat'! I've been here a few years now and I have to say I landed in the lap of luxury.

Moral of the story: always follow your instincts!

Here is me enjoying my home....

Forced under the shower

It can be tough being a cat. I know most people think we laze around all day doing nothing very much, but life isn't always a bed of roses. For example, not long ago my two 'servants' forced me under the shower and scrubbed me. Everyone knows how cats hate water so it was extremely cruel of them to put me through this. Just look at this picture.

My beautiful fur all soggy and matted.

OK, I did hide under a low sports car parked outside and I got a bit of oil on my back but is that a reason for subjecting me to such horrors?

A spoonful of sugar...

Have you ever noticed how inept some humans are at administering medication to their pets?

Take my two servants, for example. I recently had to take a week's course of antibiotics after a horrid tom cat gave me a nasty bite. It took both of them all their combined efforts to prise open my jaws and ram the tablet unceremoniously down my throat. You'd think I was some untamed beast they way they were carrying on.

Anyhow, there was no way I was going to swallow it, so I hid it in my cheek and spat it out surreptitiously when they weren't looking. (Smirk.)

It's even funnier when I have to take medicine. I remember some bright orange stuff which they had to syringe into my mouth. It didn't taste too bad but I felt I had to put up a twice-daily struggle. Why make it easy for them?

My favourite trick was to fool them into thinking the syringe was safely in my mouth then, at the last second, I'd jerk my head to one side, resulting in bright orange liquid squirting all over Mr Servant's nice white work shirt. Hee hee.

House arrest

As I suspected, my servants went and left me for the weekend. And that means I was under house arrest for three whole days while they were having a fun time somewhere. I had to content myself with looking at the big outside world imprisoned behind glass.

I tried to sneak past The Feeder when he came in but he's a bit quick for me and always manages to shut the door before I can nip out. And the other thing was, I only got TWO meals a day from him instead of the customary five.

On the plus side, I was able to sleep just as long as I liked without being disturbed. Also, I could lounge around on the nice comfy cushions without being told off. And I could sunbathe on the carpet without being moved into the shade. It really irritates me when they do that. My servants seem to think my pink ears will burn if I lie in the sun too much, so I'm always getting moved - or worse still they shut the curtains completely so no sunlight can get into the room at all. It feels like Miss Havisham's place at times.

Anyhow, they are now back so I've been able to potter around outside to my heart's content today. I think I might make my point and play them a bit of a song and dance when they try and get me to come in this evening...

Lazing in the sun

Hooray, hooray, a lovely warm day today! That means I can pursue my favourite pastime: sunbathing. I make it perfectly obvious that I want to go outside (miaowing extra loudly by the front door) but my two servants just ignore me.

You see, I live in a flat on the second floor so I can't get out by myself. For some selfish reason, they eat breakfast and then spend AGES getting ready before letting me out.

I scamper down the two flights of stairs and scoot out the main door.

My sunbathing plans are pushed aside for a moment as there's a blackbird casually hopping about with his back to me. I love it when I can sneak up on birds unawares. Drat, he's flown into a nearby bush before I can pounce. I do love to keep the neigbourhood birds on their toes.

I jump onto the green chair on the neighbour's patio, curl up and prepare for a few hours of snoozing. I have the whole day ahead of me for lazing around. This is the life. I just hope the two little girls from the other ground floor flat don't come and prod me.