I'm not feeling very well

I'm sick today and feeling sorry for myself. I just hope Mrs Servant doesn't take me to the vet, because I get really scared when I go there.

Once, I had to spend the entire day at the vet's. Mrs Servant just abandoned me there. They put me in a horrible cage and I hissed and spat whenever a nurse came near me.

I'd better start acting like I'm feeling OK or Mrs Servant will cart me back to that horrible place, I just know it.

The warmest spot in the flat

Now that it's getting chillier, Mrs Servant puts the heating on in the evenings. That's good news for me, because I can resume my favourite winter-time position by the radiator in the hall.

I know my bed is very comfy, but it's much warmer here. You can also get some much-needed peace and quiet out here in the hall.

My peace is shattered

My peaceful patio garden is no longer peaceful. That nice man who lived in the flat downstairs has moved out and two small children now live there.

I know there's another patio I can use - because my territory rather handily encompasses two mini gardens - but two small children live in that flat, too!

Whenever they see me they charge towards me and try and pull my tail. Now I've got tail pullers in stereo. It's not easy being a cat.

Where has my scratch pole gone?

It really is most unfair. Mrs Servant threw away my scratching pole yesterday. I didn't think she could be so ruthless.

I've had that pole for AGES and it was just getting to that rather nice frayed stage. The new one she's got me just is not the same. No frayed bits or anything - plus a silly dangly toy mouse that I'm supposed to biff.

So I have decided I will not use it. EVER.

On the balcony

I live in a second-floor flat and one of my favourite pastimes is sitting out on the balcony. It gives me a great bird's eye view of the birds in the tree just opposite. I also like climbing onto the balcony railing, as I can command a much better view of what's happening in the park below. It's sometimes tricky to turn round, however....

Ten ways to miaow

Most humans think cats miaow and that's the end of it. But, actually, we make many different kinds of sounds. For example, I have different miaows for when:

• I'm saying hello
• I'm cross
• I want to go outside
• I can see birds on the balcony
• I want to go in the airing cupboard
• I'm hungry
• I'm VERY hungry
• I'm being disturbed
• I'm being abandoned at the vet's
• I'm stuck up a tree
  

And that's not including the hissing and howling sounds I make when I'm in a fight.

Luckily, Mrs Servant is very good at working out which miaow is which, so she pretty much understands what I'm trying to say to her. Trouble is, she's very good at ignoring me, so I end up tapping her on the arm or (when she's at her desk) jumping on her keyboard and flumping down on it. That always works.

A bird in the hand?

I came sneaking into the sitting room yesterday afternoon, hardly able to believe my luck. I could hear a blackbird tweeting IN THE ROOM! Ha ha - an easy target.

I ran all around but couldn't see the thing anywhere. I could hear it clearly enough; in fact, there seemed to be two in the room. But, the weird thing was, I couldn't smell it/them at all.

My suspicions were doubly aroused when the noise changed to what sounded like a goose. It was then I knew that Mr and Mrs Servant were playing some kind of game on me.

There were no birds at all - it was all coming from the CD. Pretty mean of them to trick me like that.

The yellow file

There's a favourite place on the sofa where I like to snooze in the evenings. However, last night Mr Servant had placed a large yellow file there. He didn't move it for me so I was forced into spending an uncomfortable evening...